Mastermind

Friendships With the INTJ Personality Type

People with the INTJ (Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging) Myers–Briggs personality type can be hard to get close to. But once they trust and respect you, you can count them among your most loyal and supportive friends.

INTJs prefer friends who are keen to discuss and debate theories and ideas instead of engaging in small talk, gossip, or emotional issues. They often have a small group of close friends, which is typically how they want it to stay.

Making friends

INTJs often don't make friends easily. This is largely because they appear standoffish and indifferent to social conventions, and they erect walls when around people they don't know very well. Therefore, it’s usually up to others to make the first move.

INTJs see potential friends as acquaintances. It’s not until trust, commonality, and admiration are established that INTJs open up and establish stronger bonds. INTJs crave mental stimulation and intelligent debate from their friends. Hence, the people with the best chance of becoming friends with an INTJ are intellectual types who like to discuss big ideas.

Despite sometimes coming off as snobby, INTJs actually enjoy befriending people seen as “outsiders'' or “alternative types”. INTJs aren't fans of toeing the line or blindly following society's rules. They aren't typically swayed by appearances and don't care about social status.

For INTJs, better success with making friends might mean toning down their “I know best” tendencies while focusing on listening and supporting without judgment—which, of course, runs counter to the J in their personality type. However, potential friends will be drawn to the INTJ’s big ideas and renowned wit. As is usually the case with meeting new people, some risks and good judgment are required to reap the friendship rewards.

INTJs' Best Friendship Qualities

INTJs, known as Masterminds or Planners, are renowned for their ability to see the big picture and think outside the box, qualities they’re happy to share with their friends. INTJs work hard to achieve their dreams and they encourage their friends to do the same. They believe in their friends, which is one reason they decide to become friends with certain people.

INTJs are extremely loyal. They stand by their friends no matter what—as long as they never feel betrayed. They’re not interested in social status and believe in sticking by their friends, not just tossing people aside for trivial reasons. Close friendships are important and meaningful. INTJs like to solve problems, so if the friendship isn't working, they’ll work to improve it.

INTJs don't bother with pretending or white lies; if they don't want to be friends, they’ll let the person know. The INTJ’s honesty and directness doesn't always come off well, but at least they usually let you know where you stand. Also, it’s not only direct and honest advice that an INTJ can give you; they’re also very thoughtful, intelligent, and capable people.

INTJs love deep conversions and talking about things they’re passionate about. These conservations can be of great benefit to everyone involved, and this is when INTJs are often at their best—relaxed, enthusiastic, and being themselves.

The INTJ’s humor isn't for everyone, but if you appreciate dark, sarcastic, or sharp-witted jokes, INTJs can be very amusing.

INTJ Friendship Challenges

The INTJ’s direct and straightforward communication may come across as blunt and arrogant. They tend to have low emotional intelligence and may say something hurtful without realizing it. They’re typically intelligent and often have high regard for themselves and their opinions. If they come to see that a friend’s opinions aren’t based on logic and facts, or are generally not intelligent in nature, INTJs may start to question that friendship.

INTJs struggle with emotional connection and are averse to emotional responses, which can cause conflict and make them seem unempathetic. When sensitive or emotional situations arise, INTJs can quickly feel uneasy and want to avoid the issue. They may respond with logic and reason rather than empathy or emotion. They tend to hold back on expressing emotions, mainly because they don't see the point in it.

INTJs like to have time to themselves. For friends with similar personality traits, this can work. However, others may view this trait as the INTJ not committing to the friendship or caring about it.

Overcoming the challenges

One of the strongest traits INTJs have is their ability to solve problems. Their preference for honest, straightforward communication also helps to overcome challenges within the friendship.

INTJs tend to identify and want to address problems quickly. Therefore, direct and forthcoming communication is the best way to clear up any conflicts. INTJs are fans of self-improvement, but can miss social or emotional signals. Direct communication helps them understand, and learn, which should improve their friendship.

INTJs enjoy being alone and are often reluctant to give up their free time. However, some of this comes from feeling like they don't fit in. INTJs greatly appreciate being invited to do things, but not without time to adjust their plans. They appreciate low-key invitations as opposed to being guilt-tripped or pressured into doing things.

What makes an INTJ friendship work?

• Loyalty
• Intelligence
• Independence
• Space
• Witty bante
• Direct, honest communication

Which personality types best suit INTJs?

Like other personalities, INTJs are capable of forming friendships with anybody. However, INTJs feel naturally drawn to ENTPs or ENTJs, as both personalities are intellectual, goal-oriented, and success-driven.

Friendships between INTJs and ISTPs, ENFPs, ESTPs, ESTJs, and ESFJs are difficult to form, but after getting to know each other, INTJs should find they have quite a few things in common and many opportunities to teach and learn from each other.